Odysseus and The Cyclops!

Out of all the many events that Odysseus experienced on his long journey, one of the most memorable was his encounter with The Cyclops! Although Odysseus was a brave and strong individual, The Cyclops was still a staggeringly difficult obstacle. This was a big event in the story and in Odysseus’s life because it could be said that it altered the length and hardship of the journey.
The land of Cyclops was an unploughed land that had never been touched by human hands. It had lush fields of wheat, grapes, and barley. All of it was being grown at the power of Zeus’s rain. It would have been an excellent place for a colony of humans to settle into, due to the large amount of food, however the presence of the giant, dangerous, and scary Cyclops’ would make it nearly impossible. Odysseus and his crew took advantage of the bounty of food that was growing and living on the island. He divided his crew into groups, and each slaughtered 9 goats, 10 in Odysseus’s group. After eating Odysseus and a small party went about exploring the foreign land.
It wouldn’t be long until they came across a giant cave entrance and rudely walked in and ate the cheese and other food lying around as unwelcome guests in some one's home, more importantly Cyclops’s home. The Cyclops then came lumbering in pushing an abnormally large boulder over the entrance, like a door, sealing it shut for when he settled down. Odysseus and his small party tried to hide, but didn’t do so well, for the Cyclops spotted them through the flames of a fire in the center of the cave. At once Odysseus demanded to be treated as a guest with the up most respect as a suppliant, which is ironic because you wouldn’t traditionally demand an act of generosity and hospitality. To this demand the Cyclops snatched two of Odysseus’s crew and smashed them on the ground, and promptly ate them. He then trapped them inside his cave. It seemed that all hope of leaving was gone, and that they were all going to die painful, gruesome, and unappetizing deaths. This was only the case until Odysseus came up with a genius plan to escape death.
Forging a wooden spear out of a branch and sharpening it with fire, Odysseus created weapon he could use to plunge into the eye of the Cyclops. He then took the spear and hid it in Cyclops excrement that was lying in a thick pile on the ground. After offering Cyclops wine from their ship that they had brought along, the Cyclops asked for Odysseus’s name. To this question Odysseus answered ever so cleverly “Nobody is my name.” This, of course, was not weird to Cyclops, seeing as how he had drank enough alcohol to kill four men and was practically staggering about the place, he just accepted it as the truth. This was a genius way of thinking two steps ahead for Odysseus, because it played perfectly in plan. Due to the large amount of alcohol that was surging through the Cyclops, Cyclops became rather tired (and probably depressed) and fell asleep. This was the perfect time to act, gathering his wits, crew, and courage, Odysseus retrieved the spear from the poop and prepared for his attack on the Cyclops.
Before plunging the spear into the Cyclops’s eye, he plunged it into the fire to give it a chance to have a smooth travel through Cyclops’s cornea. He then stealthily snuck up to the resting place of Cyclops and plunged the hot, poop encrusted, sharp wooden spear through the center of the Cyclops’s one and only eye. The whole eye actually exploded, and the drunk Cyclops wailed and cried for his neighbors. They came to see what was the matter to which Cyclops replied that “Nobody” had done something to him, and that “Nobody” was causing him great pain and suffering! This of course raised no alarm to his neighbors and they went back to resting, which is kind of funny. Now that Odysseus had blinded the Cyclops, his risk of being eaten was less likely, and his chance of survival was good. The Cyclops eventually opened up the cave entrance and Odysseus, with what was left of the party, escaped off the skin of their teeth. Despite their survival, they were cursed by Cyclops. The curse was for Odysseus and his shipmates to die at Poseidon's hand and to never return home. It was a scary deterrence, but it didn’t stop Odysseus.
Personally I think that it would be hard to point fingers at who did the wrong thing and who was in the right, because both Cyclops and Odysseus did bad things. It’s easy to say that Odysseus was in the right because he is the main character, however people shouldn’t forget that he did waltz into some one's home, eat their food, and demand to be rewarded for it. But on the same token, Cyclops did take it over the top by smashing Odysseus’s crew to bits and eating them. So all in all they both had what was coming to them coming. I think it is safe to say that it was both of them who were at fault, and both of them suffered for it.

CHRISTMAS IS OVER

"GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, SHIT FUCK PISS, DAMN, DAMN, DAMN GOTTA WAIT A WHOLE FUCKING 365 MOTHERFUCKING DAYS UNTIL THIS GREAT DAYS ROLLS AROUND AGAIN, FUCKING SHIT!1!!!!1" That was going through basically every kids head December 25th sometime around 10:00PM-11:15PM (BEDTIME) and quite frankly that is what Christmas has evolved into. I doesn't matter that some mythical being was supposedly born today and has some sort of significance or something. Even though scientific evidence says this person was born sometime around march or april...or some shit. ANYWAYS HAPPY FUCKING CHRISTMAS IS OVER NOW GO CRY KIDS, DAY!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday for those of you who were born on Christmas Day! Or the Day after! Sorry about your birth overlapping with one of the, if not THE, most celebrated Holidays in the entire world.
-Love, Ted

Epic New post

I don't know, but I ripped a lot of paper in the process.

Russians!

Thank-You Russian peoples for viewing my blog! I know it takes a LOT of effort to go through that website and click on my blog! Thank-You so much :P Okay quite seriously I should be thanking Japan and Israel too. But I like Russia very much (seldom do Americans say that) so I am happy to say that. Thank-You Russia for contributing to the world! and especially looking at my blog! Кстати! Скажите игроков для пейнтбола команда "Русский Легион", что они сделали хорошую работу в этом году! Извините, если это была переведена плохо.

Extremely Awesome Post

For all of you fans out there! This is the coolest post you will EVER read, I'm working on some new comics yo, but right now I have come to let you in on the news. People need to spread the word if you like my blog. Websites, games, shows, etc. don't get big if everyone just stumbles upon it by chance! No People! You guys gotta walk around, and be like "Yo! Mortal being whose name escapes me! There is this really cool homo sapien sapien that I do not know personally by the name of "Ted" who casually signs his name on his comics with a sexy cursive EH, who has this cool blog. Mortal whom I believe may be my friend, check out this blog which is found at: www.exzomygod.blogspot.com! It will be worth the seconds you spend reading everything for I know that while reading the comics and posts this "Ted" has posted your cornea will make your brain send messages to itself to release endorphin toxins to your limbic system thus making you curl your lips in a U shape...smiling. SO please go to your computer and check it out on the internetting. Cool beans mortal, cool beans." Or something like that! The fact is you need to get the word out to other people if you like my stuff.

Shitty Pancakes

This is by far the most appealing title you will ever be exposed too. But I must complain, I had shitty pancakes over the weekend, and my lack of posting on Monday or right after this terrible experience was because of post traumatic stress. Holy Shit. the pancakes that slid down my throat is nothing compared to how delicious the ones in the picture look. Realistically speaking it would have been nice if my waiter wasn't such a prick. I HAD WATER, and he didn't fill up my drink. Once...there was no one in the Denny's I was at, and it PISSED MEH OFF. So they gave me pancakes that tasted like cardboard with raw processed corn syrup and sugar. I thought I was going to die...never go to Denny's, and their grand slam dinners? They fucking blew, more like a Grand Fail.